


Nothings gonna change my love for you (Berena)

by RedgravesTardis



Category: Holby City
Genre: Berena are back together, Berena deserves Better, Berena lives on, F/F, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I love them but they need to suffer, I will not be stopped, The Author Regrets Nothing, What Have I Done, im trying okay, surprisingly close to cannon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 10:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21073133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedgravesTardis/pseuds/RedgravesTardis
Summary: Bernie wants to come home and they both want to try again.





	Nothings gonna change my love for you (Berena)

**Author's Note:**

> ***PLEASE READ BEFORE READING***
> 
> DISCLAIMER – I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR THE STORYLINES , THEY ALL BELONG TO THE BBC, A FEW CHAPTERS MIGHT TRIGGER SOME PEOPLE AS BERNIE GETS HURT. PLEASE DONT READ IF EFFECTS YOU AS I'M REALLY SORRY FOR PUTTING BERNIE THROUGH THE PAIN.
> 
> INFORMATION – SET A FEW DAYS AFTER THE BREAK UP, BERNIE WANTS TO COME HOME FROM NARIBO AND THE PAIR FINALLY HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT THE BREAK UP, THEY BOTH WANT TO PUT THE PAST BEHIND THEM AND START AGAIN.
> 
> ©RedgravesTardis2019  
DO NOT COPY THIS

It was a cope of days after the break up between Bernie and Serena , Bernie had been crashing at Abigails as she didn’t have any where to go. As she decided she was still gonna stick around for the while, Bernie had turned to drink but luckily Abigail was there to help her get sober again. 

Bernie was also finding it hard to sleep so she would take walks that always lead her back to the hospital. Bernie had taken a walk soon ended up at the AAU, she signed in and made her self a coffee and sat in the office looking out onto the ward. Leah was still working for Holby so Bernie was hoping not to bump into her through out the shift. Well Bernie didn’t have proper shifts she was just there as an extra for the time being.

Serena had thrown herself into work, not wanting to admit to herself or anyone else what had happened. With being so busy she hadn’t seen Bernie around but she was worried about her. She wasn’t returning her calls or her texts. She was also doing her best to avoid Leah’s advances, the younger woman just wasn’t getting the hint.

The blonde had turned her phone off and it had been off since that night , she thought having it on would just make it worst. Of course Bernie would still rush by her side if she needed help, it was just the way Bernie was after being in the army for so many years. Bernie saw the younger blonde not taking the advice from her ex partner and sighed. 

She wanted to knock her out but knew she had to stay calm, Bernie would turn aggressive if she had drank to much lucky that never happened to her when she was seeing Serena. She got up from the desk and went out onto the ward checking over a patient, the older blonde still had alcohol in her system but it wasn’t enough to cause a scene. She looked over at her ex and sighed and had a tiny thought about her working aside her and thought how it wasn’t gonna work like it used to.

The brunette ran a hand through her hair as she sighed and headed towards the nurses station. Leaning against the side, she rested her head on her arms and yawned “is it home time yet?” She flinched as she felt someone begin to rub her back “Leah...no...enough. We’ve talked about this” she snapped standing up straight

Bernie was now stood next to her sighed as she was trying to be friendly to her “I just trying to be friendly...” she spoke before walking away from the nurses desk. Serena looked around and sighed as she saw it was Bernie “Bern...” she shook her head gently , The Blonde put her grey hoodie on getting ready to leave again now knowing that Serena didn’t want her around so Bernie left a cigarette out on Serena’s desk in case she wanted to join her. Serena watched her leave before heading into the office to see what she had left. 

The blonde went to her spot which was up on the roof , she was sat on the stairs by the air vent looking out while having a cigarette one hand and her lighter in the other, she wasn’t sure if she was going to light it and sighed as she messed with the lid of the lighter

The brunette picked up the cigarette and held it in her hand softly , she knew her ex lover would be up on the roof. She debated it for a while before grabbing her coat and heading up there and went straight over to the air vent looking at her ex girlfriend softly. “Got a lighter?” She asked quietly

“Stupid question... I’ve always got one” she said looking up at her giving her a half smile while holding the lighter out in her hand for Serena to take while the blonde moved over allowing her to sit next to her “so she’s still here then?” She asked watching her

“Yep, she’s still here” she said lighting up the cigarette “I can’t sack her and she’s showing no signs of wanting to leave” 

Serena took a long drag of the cigarette “you’re a bad influence on me, if never touched one of these before I met you”

“Then I have to go... it won’t work with us three in the same building... you know it won’t...” 

The blonde gave a half smile again “is that a bad thing? I mean I was trying to quit at one point... “ she spoke before taking a drag from Serena’s cigarette.

Serena looked at her “I don’t want her. I want you” she said quietly “but it’s hard. You’re going back to Nairobi soon and I can’t leave this place” She watched the woman take a drag from her cigarette and took it from her “I’ve always loved you”

“She needs to go so I can stay... so I can come home” she sighed “I want you to... but like you said you don’t see me as a domestic...”  
The blonde looked down, she missed her and trying to hide it wasn’t helping her 

“I miss how we would run the AAU together.... I miss everything.... it’s not quite the same out in Nairobi....”

“You were the one that left” she said quietly “I was happy. We were happy” she sighed heavily

“But playing the blame game isn’t going to do anything. I messed up...I really messed up” She looked at the blonde and gently took her hand as she took a pause “let me talk to Leah. I’ll see if I can persuade her to go somewhere else. To transfer”

“I had to go ... they shut our trauma unit down... and you was in France it felt like there wasn’t anything here for me anymore... I’m sorry. For the lack of communication...” The blonde let her take her hand and soon rubbed her thumb against her hand just like she used to and also took a small pause “every time I see her I just wanna beat the shit out her... but that’s isn’t me...”

Serena looked to her “you could have come with me, I offered” she said quietly “you can’t just blame her, it wasn’t just her” 

Serena gently brushed her hair out of the blondes eyes “I love you. Not her. You. And I fucked up. I know that. But I want to try to make this work”

“I don’t just blame her I blame myself for everything I’ve ever done.. I wanted to come with you but you need time on your own you needed to grief properly and someone had to run the AAU while you was gone...” The blonde had tears forming in her eyes “but what you said at Jason’s wedding about us.. you meant it... you can’t see me taking the bins out, or pushing Greta on park swings...”

“I did need to grieve. I still do. Every day is a struggle but I get through it. Mainly because you’re by my side. And even if you’re not physically there I know would you be if I needed you” She then sighed “No...I can’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to. I can see you checking up on the baby in the middle of the night even though we all know she’s okay by you can’t sleep because you’re worried. I can see you cutting the grass, fixing things that are broken, cooking us dinner.”

The blonde sniffed a little with a tiny smile “I really hate myself Serena ... and when I’m with you you make me forget all the reasons why I hate myself... I want there to be an us... I really do. I just want you to come home and tell me your problems so we can fix them together” 

the blonde slowly rested her head on her shoulder “no I wouldn’t sleep until I know that she’s fine, I would settle her with stories about us.... I do have that mother instinct inside me... I just have to find it again...” 

“What i did...wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. It’s mine. And I need to deal with it. I never wanted to hurt you, but I wasn’t thinking. It didn’t mean anything, she showed me attention and I liked it” she sighed Cautiously wrapping her arm around her ex lovers waist she held her close

“I know you do. And I want to be there to see you grow into an amazing Nana” she smiled “I’ve adopted that title, We’ve agreed great aunt Serena is a little too complicated for a baby to comprehend”

“Cause it’s my fault... I’m the one who opened a stupid trauma hospital half way across the world... you need me and I did what I also do I fucked off” The blonde gave a yawn, everything that she had done had just caught up with her “Nana Serena... it suits better then aunt Serena”

“Listen. If you’re willing to try and make this work, then the past is in the past. We focus on the future. Not what went wrong or what each of us did to contribute to the breakdown. The future” she nodded “that’s what I want with you Bernie”

The blonde looked up at her “I want to us try harder ... talk to each other more... I know my communication skills aren’t top notch but I want to over come that, I’m done being angry with you, I miss you so much”

“I miss you too. More than anything” she said quietly “I want us. And I’ll do anything to make that happen”

“Then let me give up my dream... because I don’t fit in out there, not like I thought it would... my homes been here all along”

“You shouldn’t have to do that” she sighed “I never what you to have to give up anything for me”

“My home is you Serena, it always have been you... I just haven’t realised until now... I can get someone else to be in charge so I can stay here and every now and again I can go over just to check and come back..”

“I’m not going to stand in your way. You do what you think is best for you Bern.” She smiled softly “I do like the thought of coming home to you every night though”

“The best is Coming home to you every night like I used to... I want you to fall asleep in my arms on the sofa , on the bench... I just wanna be here with you”

“I want that too” she smiled softly “morning snuggles, morning kisses...other things in the morning” she smirked softly “I miss going to sleep with you and I miss waking up with you”

“I want that too” she smiled softly “morning snuggles, morning kisses...other things in the morning” she smirked softly “I miss going to sleep with you and I miss waking up with you”

“Don’t apologise...the past is the past right? We are going to focus on moving on. Now give me a kiss, I’ve missed you” she smiled gently stroking her cheek.


End file.
